It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
