Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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