You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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