FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
