why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
