So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
