Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
