I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
