I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
