The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
