also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
