i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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