First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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