Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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