I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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