That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
