i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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