That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
