put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
