he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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