ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
