3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
