I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
