It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
