I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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