see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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