She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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