I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
