I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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