i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
