seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
