i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
