I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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