Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
