Kiss
Puke
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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