You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
