Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
