it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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