i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
