she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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