I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
