i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
