he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
