He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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