What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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