my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
