FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
