I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
