I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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