help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
